Understanding Attachment Styles in South Asian Families

What are attachment styles all about anyway?

Attachment theory explains how early relationships with our caregivers shape our ability to form and maintain relationships throughout life. These relationships and experiences or lack of experiences in childhood shape the way we view the world around us and our relationships in adulthood. In South Asian households, where family loyalty, collectivism, and interdependence are a large part of the cultural values, attachment styles can manifest uniquely. Understanding these patterns for yourself and loved ones can help you navigate your relationships with more awareness and self-compassion.

The Four Attachment Styles in South Asian Families

1. Secure Attachment
   A secure attachment develops when children experience consistent love, support, and validation from their caregivers. In South Asian families, this might look like parents who encourage open dialogue, validate emotions, and provide a balance of autonomy and guidance. Adults with a secure attachment style tend to have healthy self-esteem, strong communication skills, and the ability to set boundaries in relationships.

2. Anxious (Preoccupied) Attachment
   Anxious attachment arises when caregivers are inconsistent—sometimes emotionally available and other times dismissive or critical. In South Asian households, this could be seen in parents who express love through achievements but withdraw affection in response to failure. This unpredictability can lead children to become hyperaware of others' needs while neglecting their own. As adults, they may struggle with people-pleasing, fear of abandonment, and difficulty setting boundaries.

3. Avoidant (Dismissive) Attachment
   Avoidant attachment forms when caregivers are emotionally distant or prioritize discipline over emotional connection. Many South Asian parents, influenced by cultural norms, may discourage emotional expression, leading children to suppress their feelings. Adults with avoidant attachment might struggle with intimacy, dismiss their own emotional needs, or feel uncomfortable relying on others for support.

4. Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant) Attachment
   This attachment style develops in environments where caregivers are both a source of comfort and fear—often due to unpredictable, critical, or even abusive behaviour. In South Asian households, this may result from strict, authoritarian parenting or intergenerational trauma. As adults, folks with this attachment style may experience internal conflict, desiring close relationships but fearing emotional vulnerability.

How Attachment Styles Impact Relationships and Emotional Well-Being

Family Dynamics

Generally speaking, South Asian culture emphasizes the importance of children’s duties from childhood to adulthood and respect for elders, which can sometimes lead individuals with insecure attachment styles to tolerate unhealthy family dynamics. Sometimes, it may feel easier to “keep the peace” than to speak up. Understanding attachment can help break cycles of emotional neglect and foster healthier connections.

Romantic Relationships

Attachment styles influence how we connect with partners. Anxious folks may crave reassurance, while avoidant individuals may struggle with emotional closeness. Recognizing these patterns can help build healthier, more secure relationships. Therapy can help you move closer to secure attachment with your partner(s) in adulthood. (So, just because you’ve noticed an insecure attachment style growing up, doesn’t mean you cannot create secure relationships later in life).

Self-Care and Emotional Regulation

Those with insecure attachment styles may find it difficult to prioritize their own well-being. Developing self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, and seeking therapy can help individuals heal and create secure relationships.

Moving Toward Secure Attachment

So, if it’s possible to move toward secure attachment…how do I manage to do that?

By understanding attachment styles in the context of South Asian families, you can gain insight into their relational patterns, heal intergenerational wounds, and build healthier, more fulfilling connections. Engaging in culturally attuned psychotherapy can help you process your attachment wounds and develop healthier relationship patterns. Learning to say “no” and setting emotional boundaries can improve relational well-being. Engaging in self-reflective practices like journaling, mindfulness, and open conversations about emotions can also help you cultivate emotional intelligence and secure attachment behaviours.